Lots to say

Well, I've been meaning to post for a while, in fact with everything that has been going on I should have at least have 3 more posts since my last one. Every time I sit down to type though something seems to happen that causes me not to write. I'm not sure what it is, maybe it is just not feeling in the mood to emotionally drain myself. Maybe I wonder if this blog is serving a purpose. Or possibly I just don't want everyone to know what is going on. If everyone knows will I still be accepted? I think it may be all of these things, but as I write this I also feel the sense of knowing if I put it out there I will be held accountable to it. Accountability is such a hard thing for me. When I am saying I want to be held accountability I am admitting that I can't do it alone. It almost feels like I am saying I am weak and can't do it alone. Honestly, that is the truth, I am weak, and I can't do it alone. I know we are one body, and we all must come along side each other and lift up or brothers and sisters, but it is hard to admit you are the one in need of lifting. I have shared some of the things that I struggle with in previous posts, and I hope to continue to do so openly and honestly. Now to update you on recent events.
First to continue on my last post about my diet, I have started and am in full the full swing of it. This diet is very different than any diet I have ever heard of. The diet is called the HCG diet and going through it results in a complete overhaul and change in how your metabolism works. Also because this diet is very intense you have to go through your doctor to do it, and I have to go in every 2 weeks to get a check up and make sure it is all going well. What happens is my doctor gives me a RX for the hormone HCG. I take it every morning. The HCG causes my body to break up and digest the fat it already has and uses it for fuel instead of the food I eat. This causes me to not be hungry, and I only eat 500 calories a day, so the other 1500 calories that are needed are obtained from stored fat in my body. I stay on this strict diet for 40 days, and then I go on a 6 weeks maintenance (with no HCG) where I can eat as much as I need to, but no starches or sugars. Then I do back on the HCG diet after the 6 weeks is over, for another 40 days. During the 40 days I can lose up to 40 lbs, but the goal of the maintenance is to not gain or lose. So far I have lose 5.5lbs, but I cheated on Friday and Saturday so if I had not done that it probably would have been more since I have been on it for 8 days so far. The diet has been good so far, but since being on it I have realised more than ever my emotional dependency on food. I eat when I am sad, I eat when I am bored, but rarely do I eat when I am hungry. It has been interesting the last few days recognising and learning when I am hungry and when I am not. It is like I am listening to my stomach for the first time ever, and that is a weird feeling. I am trying to learn that I don't need to turn to food when I am emotional because that just puts a band aide on what is really wrong. God is reminding me that He is the only one who can help how I feel because He is the one who gave me those feelings. I will write more about the diet as it goes, but it is going well...
Second, last week I went to my first Celebrate Recovery meeting. For those of you who don't know what Celebrate Recovery (CR) is, it is a 12 step program based on Biblical principles to help people get over hurts and hangups that happen in life. If you have heard of CR before you may think of it as a christian version of AA. While CR does have 12 steps like AA, it is more broad in helping people with all kinds of problems we face as Christians living in the world. Honestly any one who has ever experience a hurt or habitual sin could benefit from CR. I am going for a few reasons, some of which I have already shared, and some I have yet to share. Anyway, I went to my first class last Wednesday and it was really good. I was really nervous about being open with people I didn't know, but God blessed me going and it was good. I will probably talk more about this later, but I wanted to leave you with the first 2 steps we went over in class.
1. We admit we are powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives have become unmanageable. "I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do good, but I cannot carry it out." Romans 7:18
2. We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. "For it is God who works in you to will and act according to His good purpose." Philippians 2:13
Third thing that has been going on is that I went with a friend down to Houston to take my advance BEI certification test (an higher level for sign language interpreting in Texas). The test went well, now just waiting for results. The trip itself was really good as well. I was able to talk about some of the struggles that I have yet to post on here, and my words were not returned void. It was a really good time of sharing and sharpening each other. I feel like it has been a long time since I have been in a situation of mutual sharpening in a long time. I value the friendship I have in this person highly and thank God for it. At the same time I know that this friendship can not be the way it is now forever, for a few reasons, and this saddens me. However, I am trusting that God will bring someone else into my life that will spur me on and keep me accountable in a deeper way than this friendship ever will.
Fourth, I am starting a book study with a couple of girlfriends and we will meet for the first time this week. The book we are going over is called "The Search for Significance: Seeing Your TRUE WORTH through God's Eyes". I started reading it a couple of days ago, and I am really excited about it, and am looking forward to changing the poor self image that I has become self imposed for so many years. The last thing I will leave you with in this incredibly long post is this:
"He chose is in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined up to adoption as sons (and daughters) through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will, to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has blessed us in the Beloved". Ephesians 1:5-6
Do you believe this? Do you believe that God looked at you and all your flaws before the beginning of time and chose you to be His pure son or daughter? You are in a royal family, a heir of the one true King. How does this affect how you see your life, and how your go about life on a daily basis?
Please leave comments letting me know. I would love to know where you are in your life, and what God is teaching you. If you don't want to leave a public post feel free to facebook me, or email me at cmshorrock@gmail.com
Love all of you, and remember, He has promised to turn our chaos into beauty if you just surrender it to Him.