Been awhile again since my last post. Been really busy with life, and everything that goes along with that. The last 2 months have felt like I am on the Titan at 6 flags. While that is my favorite ride at 6 flags, living in a constant state of ups and downs can be quite tiring. I have had many good days, and fun times since I last wrote, but there have also been low times. I think there have been more good times then not...but I think that make the bad days that much worse. When everything seems to be going well, and I let down my guard satan is right there to take advantage of my comfort. I am in alot of transiton in my life right now. Firstly transitioning out of 2 very close long time friendships, and secondly into a new career path. Sometimes I wish everything would stay the same, because it is safe and I know what to expect, but I know the pain I experience is only Him growing me and teaching me to depend on Him. He is getting me ready for something more, and in that I take comfort.
I also have noticed, really just today that writing is a great comfort to me. It is a time I can just get it all out. All I am feeling can be put into words, and somehow when I do that it no longer seems impossible. I have never thought of myself as a writer, but I want to share sometime that I wrote today. It encompasses most of the things that I am dealing with.
Control
In and out, out and in.
Up and down, Round and round I go, trying to satisfy the cravings within.
Alone? No not alone, people surround.
Alone? Yes alone, people surround.
Turn away, being chased,
"Keep running, you'll get away..." is the voice I hear.
Running, Breathing, Tired.
"Keep going, you CAN do it!!" someone screams to me, "If you can't do it, then who can?"
Easy words to believe.
Struggling for breath I decide to go on, alone.
running, panting, thirsting....colapsing to the ground.
Feeling defeat I look up to the sky...
A rainbow I see. A promise of God to never again destroy the earth with a flood.
A promise of control I see.
Many days and nights I ran to find peace, to find escape from another's control.
As I fall it is true freedom I see, in His unending love.
Now I see, all the time I ran, to find what I needed...all I needed to do was fall.
Alone? no, not alone...me and and the Holy Trinity together for all eternity.
