2009 - Now

Well, another year is coming to a close, as a new year soon emerges. Many things have transpired in my life and the life of this country in the last year.
This year has been a hard year for me emotionally and physically. Many stresses with work, finances, family, and emotional baggage from my past, has manifested it's self in health problems. I have been going to the doctor on a regular basis since September, and have been on countless medications, with not much results. Even though my body is telling me to take a break and that I can't be the energiser bunny, I continue to push myself. I always say that I have to do everything that I do, and nothing can be cut out. Even though it does seem that way, I think the real reason for staying so busy is that I don't want to slow down. I don't want to slow down because then I have to take an inventory of my life and what is truly going on. I don't want to slow down because if I do I have to confront issues that I have been pushing aside for years, hoping they will just go away. But as I am learning, God doesn't work that way. He commands us to rest. He commands us to be still before Him. I think that is when He teaches us things, when He reveals to us how He is going to make the chaos of life beautiful. I am learning that when I am confronted with the past, this is when He teaches me who I am, this is the time I am being refined and sanctified. Yet while I know this is where I need to be, part of me doesn't want to be there. I don't want to bring up the pain that has been set aside so long, but I know only that will bring true healing.
I say all of this in the first post of my first blog because this is where I am. At the dawning of a new year, I stand at the forefront of change. A change of how I deal with problems, a change of how I relate to others, and a change of how I see myself. At the center of all these changes is Jesus Christ. It MUST be all about Him. With all of the changes that will be going on it is paramount that I keep Him and the cross in the forefront of my mind. It is for His glory that He can take my chaos and turn it into something beautiful.